Watching, Waiting, Praying

First Gabriel is getting over the H-flu and another bug that put him in the PICU this past week. We were told last Thursday that if he was a good boy he would go home Friday. Yes, he behaved. We were all so happy as this was going to be a short stay and he would go home on a little longer course of antibiotics. This is where the title comes into play.

On Thursday the nurse he had somehow noticed a lump under the skin of the arm she had.  She asked me about it and I felt it. She notified the Doctors. Friday morning our favorite P.A, was assigned him and came in to check it out, mind you he is also working on his discharge papers. I showed him where and he said  he'd have the attending come check it out. I left to load the car and get lunch to go. When I was coming up the cafeteria stairs the inpatient pedi oncology doctor meet me at the top of the stairs and we walked back to his PICU room together. On the way and in his room she told me how it was probably nothing BUT, with his history of the Leukemia it could be the Leukemia,she could not rule it out.There are several things about it of concern. She also said if it is it will grow.  So we will be monitoring for symptoms and growth. All the while praying it is not. She then mentioned his cbc is good other than the infection and he is clinically not showing Leukemia. I reminded her that last year he was "clinically fine too." I remind you we do not know what this lump is at this time. She also reminded me if it is - he is not a transplant kid and any more chemo would be a very serious conversation. We were told last year he could do no more chemo.

So we watch, wait and pray. Please pray for as as we were just getting past thinking of it every single day. Now, the Leukemia SLAPS us in the face and said "you can't forget about me that easy."  It was a year ago he was diagnosed and went into the PICU for chemo.

The hard part was putting on a I am OK face as we went home. The even harder part was ruining the home coming for Eric later that night. We have not told the kids yet. I don't know when we should or if we should.

Jesus. I give it to you, his path is yours. Just carry me and give me the  peace that passes understanding to deal with this concern. Amen.                   

He is our Miracle baby.